A zeroic counter-attack story. (MUST READ)

My attempt to grow thin the unhealthy way failed miserably. Here's what happened ;

*Play James Bond-ish soundtrack or some Mission Impossible soundtrack or an old 50s' song, gets you in the mood yow*
After eating dinner (bread with curry which was so inferno-ish spicy) at about 07:20PM, i headed to the toilet upstairs discreetly. As i climbed the wooden stairs as quietly as possible, my aunty shouted at me for going too slow and suspiciously when she saw me as she needed to use the loo as well. (WE HAVE 4 TOILETS AND SHE WANNA USE THE SAME TOILET AS ME %^&#@!*+) I can't blame her. She digests fast. And 'sides, this is her house. Anyway, since my identity has been revealed indirectly, i quickly ran downstairs again and think of plan B when i saw a vacant toilet. I, amazingly enough, glided James Bond style ahead and hit myself on the door as it was half open. I cursed tremendously and vulgarly under my breath that smells of curry and saliva. Without further much ado, i looked at the mirror. And i saw a reflection of my face! My lips had curry stains all over. As i wipe it, i accidentally wipe away my sweat beside my left eye and it hurt like i was going to lose my eyes. I forgot how i relief my eyes, but all i can say is, i am never going to stain my lips with curry again. Back to the mission, after the fatal accident, i decided to not waste time and start on my real mission.

As i kneel down beside the toilet bowl, i was contemplating whether i should vomit with my head tinted or straight. I chose the second one. I had no idea why. But it sounded so cool, straight.
As i put my two long fleshy fingers with uncut nails that are in yellow colour due to the dip i made in the curry into my throat, i coughed insuperably. My face was as red as a combination of both tomato and peach. But i managed to overcome it after a few long minutes that seemed like a few hours. As i continue, i felt the need to answer nature's calling. Frustrated and reluctantly, i answered it as quick as i can. (If you feel disgusted now, you might as just want to read on. It's too late to turn back. Anxiety is not an option.) I flushed with full enthusiasm i had no idea why i was so enthused at. As i continue with my mission, i somehow realized i used approximately 16 minutes in the toilet without doing anything relevant to my mission. I was already sweating body odour. I got tired and i felt queasy. I accepted failure.

In conclusion, i can never be anaLroxic.